Keeping One’s Own Company.

A How to Manual.

1. Know thyself. Or better yet, get to know thyself. If you’re anything like me, and you’ve fruitfully depended on your partners, friends, lovers, mothers, parents to decide for you, STOP. (Are you sure it’s a good idea?) Stop that. Get to know yourself: your own interests, likes and dislikes, preferences and disdains, and HONOR those things fearlessly.
2. Get used to saying the word “NO.” No, I would not like to go there. No, I would not like that second helping of green beans. No, I won’t go out with you, but I’m flattered, thank you. No, I’m not in the mood. No. Just NO.
3. Don’t fear yourself. When you spend time with yourself, you may discover fun and interesting weirdnesses about yourself, like that you like to dance in socks and underwear to Russian Rap at 1AM, or that you like to sleep in a grandma night gown, or nothing at all, or that you’re in the mood partner-less, and that YES, you do have a solution, whether personal or manual. You may discover all sorts of odd tidbits that you’d be ashamed to show off in person, but why not own who you are when no one is watching. No one IS watching.
4. Own Who You Are (when no one is watching). Who is that person? That one who does those weird things when no one is watching? Try looking at yourself in the mirror, at midnight. Like really stare yourself down. Who is that human peering back at you? This is bold work, not for the faint of heart (you are not faint at heart). Accept that you said that thing, that you ate that thing, that you did some version of that thing. Maybe you acted less courteously than you wanted, maybe more courteously, maybe you people-pleased, or were a complete and utter curmudgeon, one or the other, or maybe both. Whatever it is, accept that thing, human.
5. Let Your Mind Wander. Mine wanders all the time, so far away sometimes that I wish I would just lose it, for Christ’s sake, but it hasn’t happened yet. Where will your mind wanderings and musings take you? I would love to know, and so would you. Explore the innies and the outies. You’re in there, somewhere in the middle.
6. Dine alone. Like a European. Dress up, throw your hair in a bun, dare to put on some lipstick, and venture outdoors the 3–10 blocks (I live in a city and can venture in this way) and find a nice and sweet spot to feed yourself. This is a really kind and nourishing ritual that shows you that you are worth the wining and dining, the savoring, the people-watching, and being the person being watched. You belong to yourself- relish in that, if even just for a moment.
7. People watch. People are strange, ugly, crazy, beautiful, demented, and vibrantly beautiful. Allow yourself to experience the range of the human rainbow. Just sit back (when engaging in no. 6, for instance) and let yourself get lost in it all. You’re one of us, one of the 7 billion. So extraordinary, and so utterly meaningless, all at the same time. It’s God’s cruel trick, maybe, making use a grain of sand and a diamond all in the same fleshy package. Bask in that for a moment.
8. Deem yourself company worth keeping. What would make your utterly meaningless and yet extraordinary company worth keeping? What makes you unique, among the 7 billion? I know that when I’m out with friends, or someone special, I really like to treat that encounter like it’s the only one in the room. It’s that special to me when two humans get together to share space and revel in this kinetic moment we call a human experience. I’m sure I’m oh-so-special in a plethora of other meaningless ways, but I’m not vain, so I’ll stop here.
9. Know your body, et al. Get to know your body, it’s appetites, and it’s circadian rhythms. You have this thing, a body, a vehicle, genetically engineered (literally) for you. It’s a machine to take us through this one long kinetic moment we call life. Isn’t it worth a re-acquaintance? What do you like to eat? When do you like to rise and retreat? Do you rise with the sun or with the I-Phone, our new god? What are you truly hungry for? What do you do when you’re horny at 2 AM? Do you act on it, act out, or let it pass? Do you binge eat ice-cream at midnight when you get impulse blues? Get to know these things.
10. Literature. Are you a reader or a scroller? What do you like to read? And where do you like to read it? I scarcely have the patience for books now, and I hate it. Just like the masses, I’ve become an expert scroller through I-News, and E-News, and Me-News (i.e. IG and Facebook). Get to know yourself through literature. Pick up a new book, a new magazine, a good old fashioned newspaper. Don’t let your eyes wither, don’t deprive your fingers of their right to flip pages.
11. Trust Yourself. Trust yourself. It’s actually worth mentioning a second time, even a third. Somewhere along the way, we’ve delegated our wants and opinions to others. Stop this non-sense. When you know, you know. Trust that thing, you carnal being. Just as you know what you like and don’t like down there, you know what you like and don’t like up here. Try to listen to your thoughts and impulses beyond just the chatter. There is an impulse there. Be still, and listen for it.
12. Love Yourself. Love yourself, not in the egotistical and narcissistic sense of the word, but in the sense of accepting yourself with all your flaws and glosses. Try to show some understanding and compassion for this resilient, perseverant, and fucked up human being that is you. Understand that by virtue of your utterly meaningless and completely extraordinary creation, you are someone to love, to trust, and to cherish. God (or a genetic wizard) put you here for a reason. Try to uncover that purpose with some compassion.

Learn to keep your own company, a humble suggestion. It will serve you well. Cheers, my friends.